Thursday, November 25, 2010

From Here To Eternity

Every night as the moon rises, the sound of cursing can be heard echoing from the darkest corner of my house. While renovating, I grumble and swear from within the shadows of a seriously dated 60's style bathroom that's a mere step above the less than sheik style of a stereotypical truck stop dumper, I ponder, “Who cast this foul hex upon me?” Shoot, the only thing missing is a vending machine on the wall that sells caffeine pills, condoms, and dehydrated tuna salad sandwiches otherwise it really would be on par with a truck stop dumper.

As a result of the hex, I slave for hours to remove that evil remnant from the past – a gawd awful flower print wallpaper! And with each hour of my life that slips away as I battle the paper monkey on my back, I chant a curse with the hopes that dozens of feral cats will defile the grave of Jean-Michel Papillon by marking their territory upon his headstone.

Why would I wish hordes of mangy felines to leave Papillon's grave smelling less than mountain fresh? Well, now, it seems Jean-Michel Papillon is the fella some credit with being the inventor of “modern” wallpaper. Yes, yes, the Chinese had various forms of wallpaper eons before the Papillon family line would spawn Jean-Michel and his blasphemous legacy. But Papillon is given credit primarily because he used printing press technology such that mass production could happen. And that accursed innovation allowed the former home owners to transform the bathroom into the exact opposite of the Taj Mahal – something sorely lacking in any form of aesthetics. To use a few selective words to describe the scenic outlay, “Ouch! My freaking eyeballs!” May those dozens of cats mark Papillon's grave from now until I'm done with this crummy task which may very well be an eternity. Welcome to the bathroom of Sisyphus where the removal of wallpaper never ends.