
… spoil the worker.
Okay, today's post is a cynical jab at a common event I've watched repeat over and over in various business environments. Watching this drama unfold is like hearing a record album skip back a few grooves when it encounters a scratch, resulting in an endless loop. The scenario occurs in far too many companies and the sad, yet typical reaction from above is a slap in the face to anyone who carries out their duties in a professional manner.
Memo Subject: Mistakes
To: All employees
Our illustrious company, Rumpelstiltskin Incorporated, struggles against a plague. For days, management has carried out the ceremonial stamping around in circles and yelling like our namesake. As of today, management has had it up to our executive issue gold-plated epaulets from dealing with said unacceptable incompetence. In a flash of brilliance, it has been determined the problem rests solely upon the shoulders of the... ahem, workers. Let it be known, a prior directive to employees demanding an end to making mistakes has been a fruitless effort. It is clear that punishment is the only tool for keeping workers in check. A new directive from corporate hereby mandates suitable punishments for the crimes any worker is convicted of.
To correct the problem of employees committing any mistake, a public humiliation policy is now in full effect. After facing a kangaroo-court trial, the worker will be found guilty. For the first offense, workers convicted of said mistake will receive no less than five lashes from a cat of nine-tails. Should the employee commit a second infraction, a stockade has been placed at the entry of the building in which the guilty party will be imprisoned. Rotten vegetables have been stocked in convenient handicapped-accessible baskets to allow those entering the building to pelt the transgressor. For any worker foolish enough to be convicted of a third strike, a suitable punishment awaits. Perillos of Athens has been resurrected and forced to reconstruct a brazen bull. Convicted criminal employees will be roasted alive within the Sicilian bull. Many an employee will know what it is to roast in the depths of the bull!
Let it be known, management shall not be burdened with locating and resolving the core reasons why problems occur. Clearly, the employees are at the heart of the problem. Management has no responsibility in resolving problems logically and in a manner that reflects professionalism. In the end, no problem exists such that a wall of shame, corporal punishment, or any other form of public humiliation can't resolve using schoolyard style politics. Remember - never solve the root problem, always inflict punishment as it instills fear and subservience.
